Jonah Hex Review

Pop culture is ready for the Gunslinger, but only if someone else has a good idea for it.

Every few years a revival of what was once cool has found its way back in American cinema. From Zombies to Vampires and Pirates to Ninja, we are a nation of revisited awesome packaged in a convenient two-and-a-half hour format. It's a shame that the Spaghetti Western, which once dominated the landscape of American suburban living, was given a forerunner in the form of Jonah Hex.

Based on a comic series by DC (the publishers who bring us Superman and Batman), this farcical attempt at charm pushes the very limit of puns and satire. Jonah Hex, played by the otherwise incredible Josh Brolin, is a disfigured bounty hunter of the wild west on a quest to be more bad-ass than any other human being. When the nation is threatened by former Confederate General Turnbough (played by the usually incredible John Malkovitch) a cliched quest by Hex to save the country by its 100^th birthday takes the audience through a 70-minute journey of terrible dialogue and yawn-worthy action sequences.

Joining Brolin and Malkovitch is fan-favorite Megan Fox as the saucy, strong-willed whore who falls madly in love with Jonah Hex. I cannot fathom how, upon receiving the script for this movie, Fox felt she was better off leaving Transformers 3 for this role.

It's important to note that this movie sports a very renown and well-sought after cast, and there was potential for all the actors to really shine. Stuck with a bad script, unintelligent dialogue, and mediocre action sequences, the cast fails to live up to any of their previous stardom. It took Jonah Hex to make Brolin sound like a tool, Malkovitch to seem boring and uninteresting, and Fox to … well, she played a whore. Bad move, Megan. Very bad move.

But it's not just the script and poor acting here that completely destroys this film. The choice to use loud, obnoxious heavy metal guitar rifts in every moment of the film drowns out an already quiet cast and offers no incentive to feel immersed in the world of the Old West.

With Marvel Entertainment pushing to film more of their licenses, one would have to believe that DC feels a need to produce quality counterpoints. A failed Superman movie already weighing down their questionably small film release list, this terrible outing of an otherwise excellent comic character is nothing short of the first nail in the DC film franchise coffin. Apparently, without Director Christopher Nolan at the helm, no film involving a DC character can succeed.

From the very first stilted narration of exposition by Brolin to the wail of the electric guitar signaling a roll to credits, this film underwhelms and disappoints in every single area. As poorly devised as Marvel's film adaptations of Daredevil and Ghost Rider, Jonah Hex is the misstep that DC needed to severely avoid.

I give Jonah Hex 1 snub-nosed gunshot out of 5.